


And The Truth Shall Make You Free

by aprylynn



Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: AU, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Tumblr Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-07 19:05:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4274565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aprylynn/pseuds/aprylynn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kensi and Jack shared a traumatic experience after nine years of not seeing each other. After being rescued, they both hope to get the closure and the truth they need in order to move on with their lives.</p><p>For the NCISLA hiatus fic challenge on Tumblr<br/>Theme 1: Change one thing</p>
            </blockquote>





	And The Truth Shall Make You Free

_“And ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free.”_  
John VIII-XXXII

* * *

 

Kensi had never been more exhausted in her life. The mind games her captors were playing with her had taken their toll on her energy and strength and grip with reality. Not only that, every inch of her body screamed with pain. She had taken so many hits, it was impossible to tell where it hurt the most. Everything about her situation, from this mission gone wrong to being overwhelmed with hunger and homesickness to the man currently sharing this cave with her… all of it was just too much. If she could just slip from consciousness, then maybe she could wake up from this nightmare. All she wanted to do was sleep and maybe never wake up.

Every time her head would nod, she’d hear Jack’s voice. “Kensi, you shouldn’t go to sleep right now.”

All she could do was groan in response.

“You might have a concussion. You shouldn’t fall asleep.”

“I know…” She croaked. “It’s just hard… I’m so tired.”

“You can stay awake. I know you can. Just talk to me. Keep talking to me.”

She let out a humorless laugh. “About what?”

“Anything. Before, you had said your tribe would come looking for you. Tell me about your tribe.”

“My tribe…” She vaguely remembered saying those words to him. How long ago was that, when she still had strength and fight left in her? How long had they been in this cave? She was confident they would be coming for her then… but she wasn’t so sure anymore. Thinking about her team hurt more than her physical wounds as she started to believe that maybe they weren’t coming. No one was coming.

“Yes, your tribe. Tell me about them.” Jack was as desperate to keep her awake as he was to keep her from succumbing to despair.

“I… um… I work with them, but it’s more than that. They’re like my family.”

“That’s good. Tell me about them. Tell me their names.”

“Um… There’s Callen. He’s our team leader. His partner is Sam. Sam is like… He’s such a mom.” Kensi chuckled at her own joke. “Always looking out for everyone. Always the first to point out your mistakes. But he does it because he wants you to be better and he believes in you.” She laughed a little more. “Sam and Callen are like an old married couple.”

Jack laughed along with her. She thought it was most likely to keep her spirits up, not because she was really funny. But she still appreciated hearing laughter in this hellhole.

“And then there’s Eric and Nell. They work together in our operations center. Without those two guiding our team, we’d never get anything accomplished… or get home in one piece.”

“So there’s Callen and Sam and then Eric and Nell. Do you have a partner?”

“Yes…” She whispered. “Um… his name is Deeks.”

“Deeks. That’s a strange name.”

“Marty Deeks. We just always call him Deeks…” She was still fighting a battle with her eyelids and was currently losing.

“Kensi, come on. Stay with me. Tell me about your partner. What’s he like?”

She breathed out in a huff. “He’s completely infuriating. He never takes anything seriously. He’s always joking around. He’s always making fun of my taste in music or the way I drive or how messy my house is.” Her voice was growing in volume and intensity. “He’s a terrible communicator. He never says what he means and always pushes me to the point of losing it. No one on the planet makes me more angry or frustrated than him.”

“Wow.” Jack was stunned at the tirade that just came out of her. “That sounds awful. Sounds like you hate having him as a partner.”

“Actually…” She struggled because everything she had just said about Deeks was one hundred percent the truth. But it was so much more than that. He was infuriating and frustrating, but he was also the most important person in her life. She kicked herself (especially now) for not being able to ever tell him that. Even when she got to see him everyday, the right moment and the right words never seemed to be there. Even after stepping way over the line of being just partners and friends and then promising to work on their currently undefined thing, there came up one more gigantic road block before that could happen. And now she found herself stuck in a cave on the other side of the world with no chance of ever seeing him again. No chance to tell him all he meant to her. Most likely, the last person she would ever get to talk to before her death was her ex-fiancé who walked out on her nine years ago. It was strange, but she knew she had to say the words now, even if Deeks never got to hear them. Even if Jack was the only one around to listen. “Actually… he’s the best partner I’ve ever had. He’s my best friend. Working with him everyday… has made me better at my job. It’s made me a better person. He just makes everything… better.”

There was silence for a while. The words she spoke out loud weighed heavy on her heart. She was wide awake now and overwhelmed with regret.

Jack cleared his throat. “That… uh… sounds like a very complicated partnership.”

For the first time in what seemed like days, Kensi managed a genuine smile. “You don’t know the half of it. And I wouldn’t trade it for the world.” She took in a deep breath, attempting to push aside the hopelessness that had almost taken her over. “And I know without a doubt that if there is even the slightest possibility that he knows I’m in trouble… he won’t rest until he finds me.”

“Do you think there might be the slightest possibility? Because I wouldn’t mind getting out of here too.”

“I hope so.”

“So… that’s your tribe?”

“Mostly. There’s also Owen, who seems like a just grumpy old man, but I think it’s just an act. And the one who’s in charge of everything is Hetty.”

“Hetty?”

“She’s the one who sent me on this assignment in the first place.”

Even in the dim light from the fire, she could tell that Jack’s expression changed. “Her last name wouldn’t happen to be Lange, would it?” It was a question, but it sounded as if he already knew the answer.

“Um…” She debated answering him. The thought came to her that maybe she was breaking protocol by telling him about her team, especially anything that had to do with Hetty. But what did it matter now? Also, her curiosity was getting the better of her. “Yes. How… how did you know?”

Before he could answer, they heard footsteps and agitated shouting in the distance. Their captors were coming and something was very wrong.

“I think it’d be best to hope for that slight possibility right about now.”

* * *

 

“Thanks for dinner, partner.”

“No problem. It’s the least I could do since we didn’t really get to see each other today.”

“You mean, since you were too busy inadvertently making Nell fall in love with you?”

“Yeah, that. It really is a curse sometimes.”

Kensi smiled and shook her head. Her first day back to work since being reassigned was not what she had expected. She was looking forward to being back with her partner, but she was stuck in Ops with Eric for hours with really nothing of value to do. She was so relieved at the end of the day when Hetty agreed to let her back in the field with Deeks.

After having dinner together, he had driven her home (which meant she was in a really good mood if she agreed to let him drive). They sat in his car parked in front of her home, both of them feeling a strange mixture of happy and awkward.

“Um…” Deeks cleared his throat. “Are you expecting any visitors tonight?”

“No, I’m not.” She never took her eyes off him. “You noticed that too?”

He smiled and pointed at his face. “Detective, remember?”

“Yes, of course.”

There was someone sitting on her front step. It didn’t bother her when she first noticed, but now that Deeks pointed it out and seemed to be suspicious, she was starting to worry.

“Do you know who it could be?”

“No.”

“Okay. I’ll walk you to the door then.”

“You don’t need to do that.”

“Partner, remember? I’m not going to leave you alone with some weirdo lurking around your house. Wow, good thing Hetty didn’t let you out of Ops today. You’re really losing it.”

“Haha and apparently I forgot how funny you are.” She sighed in resignation. “Okay, fine. Walk me to my door.”

“Let me get out first. I’ll come around.”

He walked around the car and opened the door. He reached out his hand and helped her out of the car. He continued holding her hand as they approached her front door. She knew what he was doing. He was making it seem they were on a date in an attempt to make her unknown guest go away. But knowing this was all for show didn’t stop her from enjoying it a little more than she thought she should. He smiled at her, but still noticed out of the corner of his eye that the person stood up. Deeks reached behind his back with his other hand, ready to grab his gun if he needed it.

“Kensi?” They heard a man’s voice, which was only vaguely familiar to Deeks, but all too familiar to Kensi.

“Jack?”

“I’m… I’m sorry if I’m interrupting something… I just thought…” Jack stepped forward so they both could see him.

Deeks realized he was still holding her hand. He let go because he felt like he should… not because he wanted to. He was stunned to see Jack Simon here in LA.

“Um…” Kensi shook her head, trying to jump start her brain. It wasn’t quite as shocking to see him here in front of her house as it had been to see him through her sniper scope, but she still needed a second to recover. “You’re here. Obviously. I mean… I thought you were staying in Afghanistan.”

“I did and I am. I mean, I’m heading back tomorrow. The CIA convinced me to fly to D.C. to answer some questions in their investigation. I figured since I came that far, I might as well go a few thousand miles out of my way.” The smile on Jack’s face was one Kensi had not seen in a long time. It was of contentment and a little bit of playfulness. “I was kind of hoping I could speak with you before I went home, but I don’t want to be interrupting your date…”

“Date? No, no, no… that’s not what this is.” Kensi kicked herself for protesting a little too enthusiastically.

“I’m Marty, by the way.” Deeks finally found his voice and then extended his hand. “I’m Kensi’s partner. I don’t think we were actually introduced last time.”

“I don’t think so. I’m Jack.” He shook Deeks’ hand.

“I… um… I was just making sure she was okay, you know, with the stranger sitting on her step and everything. We don’t normally hold hands, not that there’s anything wrong with that, not that you asked about it, it’s just I didn’t want her to walk to her door alone.” He laughed, trying to seem casual, but he was definitely sensing it was time to make an exit (as much as he didn’t want to leave Kensi with her ex-fiancé). The nervous babbling was starting and he needed to get out of here before he said something more ridiculous.

“Well, she told me you’re a good partner and I can see that she’s right.”

Deeks opened his mouth to say something, but the words didn’t come out. Instead he just smiled at Kensi, while she smiled back. “I’ll… I think I’ll be heading out now and leave you two be. Jack, it was good to actually be introduced to you. Kens, I’ll see you tomorrow. Call me if you need anything.”

“Sure thing, partner.”

After one more smile to Kensi and a friendly nod to Jack, Deeks headed back to his car and drove away.

“So that was your partner, huh?”

“Yeah, that was him.”

“Mr. Complicated?”

Kensi let out a nervous laugh. “Yeah, that’s one of his aliases. Although, it’s not entirely his fault that it’s complicated.”

“I’m sorry for just showing up. It won’t take long, but do you mind if we talk a little bit now?”

“No, that’s fine. Why don’t we go inside?”

Kensi unlocked her door and Jack followed her inside. After closing the door, she realized how weird this was. Things were so far from where they were nine years ago and yet here he was again.

“Do you want anything to drink? I think all I can offer is water. I’ve been away and no time to stock up for company.”

“No, I’m fine.”

“So… the CIA was trying to kill you and yet they convinced you to come in for questioning?”

“Yes, it took some convincing from one of the few people there that I still trusted, but here I am.”

“You… um… you wanted to speak to me.”

“Yes. I felt I owed you an explanation. Or at least an attempt at an explanation.”

“Okay… well, I’m listening.”

“You mentioned your boss, Hetty Lange, when we were in the cave.”

Kensi had completely forgotten that part of their conversation until now.

“I know Hetty. Years ago, she was able to locate me and initiated communication with me. She knew about us from your background checks and history after you started working at NCIS. I think she was trying to track me down so that she could let you know where I was and if I was okay. But after she explained who she was and how she was connected with you, I begged her not to tell you about me. I figured you were better off not knowing anything more about me, so you could just move on with your life.”

Kensi felt as though all the air had been sucked out of the room. Was she hearing this right? “Um… you can’t be serious.”

“I am, actually.”

“I can’t… oh my god, I can’t believe this. She knew about you all this time?”

“Yes, and because of my urging she didn’t tell you. She wanted to at first, but I convinced her not to. Over the years we kept in contact, which was few and far between. But then I knew someone considered me a liability and wanted me dead. I thought my best chance of finding help was to reach out to Hetty. I had no idea how she would try to help me, until I saw you.”

“But… that doesn’t make any sense. Why would she send me to keep you safe and not tell me that in the first place?”

“I don’t know why she went about it the way she did. The only thing that I can guess is that she was too focused on keeping her promise to me, to not tell you about me.”

“You haven’t spoken to her about all this?”

“No. I don’t really want to at the moment. Maybe that’ll change some day, but… things almost turned out really bad, and not just for me.”

She was still reeling from this revelation. Hetty, someone who she admired and respected and loved as family, had kept something so huge from her. How was this at all possible?

“Kensi, I just had to tell you how sorry I am for everything. I left nine years ago because I thought it was the best thing for you. I stayed out of contact because I thought it was for the best. I asked Hetty to keep knowledge of me from you… again, because I thought it was the right thing for you. I spent the last nine years thinking I was making these decisions on your behalf when it was really my own selfishness that didn’t want to face what I had done. And because of that, you ended up almost dying.”

“Jack, that wasn’t your fault.”

“Not entirely. But if I had been honest with you about what I was doing and where I was, you wouldn’t have been sent on that mission in the first place. You certainly wouldn’t have been sent in blind. I know that I need to take responsibility for that. There’s no reason not to be completely honest with you now.”

She just stared at Jack, still stunned by all of this. She could very easily be angry at him for all this, for all the pain he caused her, for keeping his whereabouts from her, for making her question everything about their relationship, for making her afraid to open up to anyone else like that ever again, for being the reason she almost died so far from home.

But she couldn’t. For all the pain, there were also happy memories that she knew she’d treasure forever. And for all the deception, at least he was the one right here right now, telling her the truth.

“Thank you, Jack. It’s a lot to process, but I appreciate you coming all this way.”

“So would it be too much to hope that you would forgive me for all this? Maybe not right away, but eventually?”

Kensi smiled. “You don’t have to wait for that.”

“Thank you. That means more to me that you know. I just realized through all this that when we try to hide things from each other and even when we have good intentions, that’s when things get complicated and messy. It’s best to be honest, even if it hurts.”

“Yes… I guess you’re right about that.”

“I hate to leave so soon, but I really do have to go. My flight leaves early and I don’t want to take up anymore of your time.”

“Don’t worry about it. It means a lot that you came all this way. And hey… how about if there’s ever another CIA plot to have you killed, you promise that you’ll call me for help instead?”

“Ha, you definitely have my word with that.”

* * *

 

It felt good to laugh with Deeks again (even though it was at her own expense). Hell, everything about today felt good. Finally being side by side with her partner after months of separation… it was as if no time had gone by at all. But now the day was over and the big question that was first brought up months ago still lingered in the air. What do they do about their thing?

“I honestly don’t know what to do about that.”

Her heart sank when she heard those words. He seemed so confident just that morning. And now she wasn’t sure what was happening. Old fears and insecurities started to bubble up and she felt the urge to get out of there. This was a mistake. They shouldn’t be talking about this. It’s all just too hard. Maybe it’d be better to just dance around each other a little longer, rather than risk the possibility of hearing him say he was having a change of heart.

But then she remembered how quickly life can change. How one day you could be planning your future with someone and then the next day they’re gone without a trace. How you can be completely content with everything, especially your job and then someone unexpected and infuriating comes bursting into your life and changes everything you thought you knew about partnership. How you could be on the verge of something wonderful and scary only to be sent away with no explanation or chance to say good-bye. How you could end up trapped in a cave with no hope of seeing the person you care about most ever again.

She remembered Jack’s words, how it’s better to be honest even if it hurts. Even if it’s terrifying.

They had been through too much and almost lost it all too many times. She was not going to let fear rule her life, not when there was so much at stake. She took a deep breath and then walked around the desks so she could sit in Sam’s chair. She scooted closer to him and looked into his beautiful confused face.

“I don’t know what to do either. But… what I do know is… you mean more to me than anyone else in the world.” The next part was the really scary part, but she pressed through. “I want to be with you… but I’m afraid. I’m afraid of repeating past mistakes and of hurting you more than I already have and even though it made no freaking sense, I’m terrified of all the bull shit that asshole Angelo was spouting off today.”

He laughed nervously. “Wow. I… um… I guess I feel pretty much the same way. Except for the Angelo making no sense part. I know he was just trying to mess with us and throw us off, but… he got some stuff right about me.”

“Deeks, you’re nothing like Angelo and he doesn’t know a thing about who you really are.”

“He may not really know me… but I do actually think I’m worse than him.”

“I don’t believe that for a second.”

He breathed deeply and let it out. “Kens, what I feel for you… I almost lost you. I thought you were gone for good and I let myself go to a really dark place because of that. I’m afraid of what I can become. Of what I’ve seen myself already become.” He looked down at his hands as he interlocked his fingers.

There was a heavy silence between them, as Kensi considered what to say next. “So, it sounds like we both want to be together. We’re both terrified out of our minds. And neither one of us have any idea what to do about it.”

He looked up and the corners of his mouth turned up into a slight smile. She considered this progress and smiled back. “Um… yeah, that sounds about right.”

“You know, you and I, we’re a great team. We can do some pretty amazing things when we work together. The way I see it, if we work together on this, then I think anything is possible. Even if we can’t see how.”

He leaned back in his chair, with his signature lop-sided grin on his face. “We are pretty damn amazing, aren’t we?”

“Absolutely. Who’s gonna stop Wonder Woman and Superman when they join forces?”

He laughed. “I’m really glad you’re home.”

It was about the millionth time he said that to her, but she loved hearing it every single time. “You want to get out of here? Find some place to talk?”

“Yeah, I do.”

As they gathered their things, Kensi glanced across the room to the box that still sat on the shelf that had been its home for over a year. The mysterious box that he still couldn’t bring himself to open. She smiled, knowing that they were both terrified of what it represented and because of that she had refused to tell him what was in it and he had refused to open it. Now, even though it was still scary and they were far from having everything figured out, she knew they didn’t need the box anymore. It could stay there unopened forever and everything would be just fine.

As they walked out of the building, Deeks reached over and took her hand. She looked down and smiled, thinking maybe she could believe that this won’t be so scary after all. As long as he was right there with her.


End file.
